REJECTION

Rejection is the most potent emotion that can cause psychological suffering so sharp it affects our thinking, floods us with anger, erodes our confidence and self-esteem, and destabilizes our fundamental feeling of belonging.

 

To give me a fighting chance at resilience amidst rejection I needed to gain an understanding of…

  • Our brains use self-soothing strategies that can provide some temporary relief in the short term but are often a longer-term form of sabotage.

    This can look like fucking someone because you want to feel different (not because you are horny).

  • We can often get caught up in feelings rather than facts. Our thoughts are not orders that we need to follow. Our beliefs about ourselves are only true until we change them.

  • John Kim describes a container as the space around us that either heals or harms protects or infects.

    Safe containers promote growth. Cracked containers prevent it.

    Most of us have cracked containers.

    Cracks are formed from our stories, abusive relationships, dysfunctional families, and life experiences that have caused us some version of trauma or pain.

    Building a safe container is the beginning of a better life.

 I asked myself

  • Who would I be & what would I do if I wasn’t scared of rejection?

  • What are the lies about rejection that I tend to believe?

  • In what circumstances do I reject myself before allowing others to do it?

  • Where in my life is a fear of rejection holding me back?

 

When we suffer from rejection it isn’t long until we seek evidence that supports our limiting belief that we aren’t enough.

Or even worse, we attract thoughts, people, and situations into our lives that will ultimately reject and sabotage us.

Dating, relationships, and sex are phenomenal opportunities to experience rejection and gain data without rumination. With a hell yes, be vulnerable, anticipate rejection, and allow life's lessons to lead you to a life and a world that you are proud of.

 

GHOSTING

 
 

flexibility & the heart of happiness

When I was a boy I was shamed for studying and reading during recess by a guardian. Children are supposed to play at recess, so I was inserted into a group of other classmates to play with. Thinking about that moment I continue to experience deep shame because my desire was perceived as wrong by someone that I looked up to. Honestly, I wasn’t shy or unpopular; I had friends, was active in sports, and participated in class. So why was I reading at recess—I was living by one of my values, a love of learning.

 

By no means am I resentful of my teacher, they were making a compassionate effort to help with this perceived problem. Our brain produces fear as a protection tactic and I was being protected and prepared for a world where boys play dodgeball at recess. So what happens after you realize that you’ve been living life by someone else’s values?

In my chunk of the world, some socially constructed rules I was fed tasted something like: straight guys don’t cry, they make others cry, if you work hard you can buy loads of chocolate, maybe even a house of chocolate, and, fugly people die alone.

To be able to intentionally change our limiting beliefs, coping strategies that no longer serve us, and the fucked up word vomit of our internal critic we’ll need to keep track of our relationship with flexibility.

 
 

Being flexible, making space for a new way, and having a willingness to define details differently brings us to a spot where we’ll need to get ready for the inevitable challenges that will come with the process of intentional change.

Our greatest opportunity is learning that inactivity is really taking action in an area that is perceived to be productive but in reality, keeps us static. As an obscure and obsolete form of protection, our internal voice tricks us into thinking that we are taking action to move forward when we are being kept out of harm’s way. If I don’t try I can’t fail.

 

You are the creator of your life and that all starts with acceptance, commitment, and awareness of who you want to be and how you want to feel.

I believe that you already have all of the insights, superpowers, and answers inside of you. But if you are like me and you need some support to draw them out I am here for you.

Remember you are helping me give half my services away for free to LGBTQIA2S+ Folks who don't have access to inclusive, affirmative, and intersectional support.

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